Zachary

I have not mentioned autism once in my blog because well it's difficult. I love my boy but he is, well difficult. SO many people believe he is "cured". I get the, "Gosh, Brandy, Zac is doing so good. It seems he has out grown his problems." At this point I can respond one of two ways. I can let them believe the lie because, well it's easy. It's not really a lie because he does have good times, but he will never be cured. This is who he is. The other way I can respond is with all the bloody, gory details that keep my stomach in knots. Depending on my relationship with said person depends on how I respond. Also if I'm feeling pissy they may get way more info than they every wanted. Here is what I'm willing to share at this point about how Zac is doing. EVERYDAY he threatens to kill one or more of us. He torments his siblings, what ever you are thinking in your mind times that by 1000. He abuses us, verbally & physically EVERYDAY. The above things happen on good or normal days. On bad days he does the aforementioned just intensified. The death threats are in GREAT detail, trust me you don't want to know the detail. He has temper tantrums. Oh Boy does he have temper tantrums. He will only scream and cuss and yell for 30 mins, but it is a VERY BAD 30 mins. At these times I think he is going to have to live sedated in a hospital. I think of UCLA and their padded room and the Dr.s with no answers and no hope. My stomach feels sick, but then he stops and we live to see another day. I share these things to give you knowledge about what life is like for us. He has come along way. We have a lot be grateful for. He is not "better" just "different". Right now he is calm watching TV. All Hell will break loose when the TV is off, but now life is good. So when you see us at a church activity, school activity, family function, or just at McDonald's you have a small idea of what we live with everyday, and how hard it is for us to be there. When we leave an outing, whatever it may be if there was not a problem with Zac we are so relived, but we know that any moment the problems will start usually when he doesn't get his way. The truth-tellin is this: Zac is a sweet boy who can spout scripture stories like a preacher, he is creative, social and will do something wonderful when he grows up.